


When the world is cruel (You must be crueller)

by orphan_account



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: F/M, Homophobia, Jack Merridew's Father, Jack Merridew's Grandmother is a saint, Jack Merridew's Parents are awful, M/M, Roger is a willing follower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I've always had the impression that Jack's parents probably just threw money at him rather than affection. This is my interpretation.
Relationships: Jack Merridew/Original Male Characters
Kudos: 8





	When the world is cruel (You must be crueller)

Jack Merridew was once told that he would grow up and marry a pretty woman that would give him lots of pretty children.

He’d been told at one of his Mother’s New Year’s Eve parties and, during the short two hours he was aloud to stay, one of his mother’s male friends had gripped him a bit too tightly on his arm and spat it at him bitterly, shoving him away laughing with his mother and his friends. He went and told his father who whispered for him to go upstairs. 

That was not the first time Jack heard his parents argue.

In public, people cooed at them, telling their friends that they wished to have a marriage as perfect as theirs. Older people nodded at the way his father offered his arm to his mother. Young children looked at the handsome pair in awe at how they looked. 

Behind closed doors, they kept to separate rooms and only interacted if absolutely necessary. 

Only his mother’s parents knew the real way they treated each other. He knew because they didn’t try to hide their mistreatment of each other when they were around.

Neither of his parents could stand the sight of him. They ignored him when he was around and sent him away with an automated answer or one of the stack of 50ps on their desk pressed into his hands.

He asked his grandmother why his parents hated him and each other. He was five years old at the time.

She pulled him into her lap and replied that they didn’t always hate each other. They used to love each other very much. She told him how his father was absolutely smitten with his mother and kept pursuing her until she agreed to be his. They were known as a golden couple. A perfect couple. A state of love that all people should strive to be like. 

Jack nodded slowly. His Grandmother once again insisted that they did love each other but he cut her off and asked when they started hating each other. She flinched and whispered that it was after his birth. 

Jack nodded again and went in search of his father to get another 50p.

Someone once mused quietly about how Jack didn’t look anything like his father.

It was at a gathering of close friends and family for his parent’s wedding anniversary and one of his father’s friends quietly regarded Jack’s flaming red hair compared to his mother’s mousy brown and father’s head of golden locks.

He saw his father’s forced smile and the tightening grip on his glass of whisky before he laughed loudly and casually stated that his mother’s father had red hair and that it must have just been a coincidence. 

His Mother’s father had brown hair like her.

Six months later, it was Jack’s birthday.

His parents invited lots of boys and girls over for his party. The children of their friends and his cousins. 

They mostly played quietly whilst the adults talked. After lunch, Jack got a big cake and his presents. Mostly toys that would keep him occupied in a room without his parents supervision. 

A similar party was held every year. 

On his ninth birthday, a shy girl by the name of Linda gave him a quick, innocent peck on the cheek. The adults cooed over the two and declared that they would make a handsome pairing that would rival his parents.

Jack saw his mother and father perform a smile that didn’t quite meet their eyes. They didn’t look at each other.

Jack thought about it after he had been dismissed to bed. He hadn’t minded the kiss but he didn’t feel the overwhelming emotions that his Grandmother used to describe her own romances. Perhaps this was what his parents felt when they dutifully carried out their society-demanded ritual.

When he was ten, he received the same show of affection that Lind gave him. 

But this time it was a boy who gave it to him.

His name was Stephan and Jack thought he had the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen. They were a deep, dark brown that seemed to be the windows to the most wonderful place where all his dreams came true. Stephan was in his class at school and the first person he’d been allowed to invite that wasn’t one of the offspring of an important person.

His peck on the cheek lasted for even less time than Linda. But it was long enough for Jack to feel the tsunamii of feeling that swept through his heart. 

‘Yes,’ he thought. ‘This is what it’s supposed to feel like.’

Stephan was gone as quickly as he came and sat back from him, face flushed the colour of Jack’s hair. He began to stammer out apologies and backed away quickly.

As he turned to leave, Jack took his hand and smiled. His first smile since that day with his Grandmother. He grabbed Stephan by the shoulders and pressed his lips against Stephen’s cheek. 

It wasn’t for very long, but Jack never wanted it to end. He pulled back and gazed into Stephen’s wondrous eyes. The two simply stared at each other and eternity seemed to trickle by in those moments.It was Stephen who finally moved at last. Reaching forward, he pressed his mouth to Jack’s cheek once again and Jack’s eyes fluttered shut. Just as he was about to pull away, the door to his room slammed open and his father stood there, face turning purple.

His voice was an almost silent seething. Hissing at Stephan to get away from Jack. Jack was angry. How dare his father tell Stephan to get away. Did he not see that he loved Stephan like his father was supposed to love his mother? Jack’s face became murderous. He wanted to hurt his father. He wanted to see his blood under his fingernails from where he ripped his skin. He wanted to see him choking for air. He wanted to see him suffer. He clenched his fists and was shaking until his Grandmother’s appearance wrenched him back to reality.

The realisation of what he had just thought made him burst into tears and he ran to his Grandmother’s arms. She began to stroke his hair the way he’d always imagined Stephan doing, whispering soft words and shepherding him away from his father whose skin was now gray. He sobbed and sobbed until he was laid to rest on her bed and he cried himself to sleep.

A while later, his father came into his room with his grandmother. They both had sombre looks on their faces although Jack got the impression that it was for different reasons. His father sat on the bed beside him and his Grandmother stood behind him.

‘Son,’ he father addressed him for the first time in his life. It was always ‘Merridew’ or ‘Boy’ or when he really didn’t want to see him ‘You’. He looked ready to press on but his grandmother cut in, ignoring his father’s annoyed look.

‘We know today was difficult for you with that boy…forcing himself on you,’ Jack was ready to protest, the unfamiliar rage from earlier filling his heart. However, a warning look passed across his Grandmother’s features and he schooled his features into one of meek submission like he’d practiced in the mirror for the rare times his parents had bothered to punish him.

His Grandmother, however, could see right through his mask and see the condition and fear there. She gently knelt down and took his hands in hers.

‘They’re sending you to a boarding school’ she said smiling and stroking his knuckles.

His father gave a short laugh.

‘Not just any boarding school, it’s the same school that the Jones’s sent their eldest and Captain Joseph Monterey attended there as well. I contacted my old friend James Hardcastle and he agreed to take you. You’ll attend as part of the choir and one day, I know you will be it’s leader.’ 

Jack listened, instantly recognising the names as part of the list of people he should aspire to be.

He smiled at his father presently and parroted something about it being and honour and a privilege to go to such a prestigious school. His father smiled, nodded proudly and left.

He didn’t mention Stephan.

His grandmother remained behind, waiting until his father shut the door behind him before sitting on the bed next to him and enveloping him in his arms.

‘Oh my poor boy.’ 

She began to stoke his hair again and Jack nuzzled further into her, seeking comfort. They remained like this for a few minuets before she pulled away and grabbed his chin making him know that this was serious.

‘I told your father that that boy must have forced himself on you. Thankfully he believed me. You can never tell anyone about this Jack.’

Jack looked at his Garndmother with tears in his eyes. he didn’t understand why loving someone was wrong.

‘Why Grandmother? Why can’t I love someone?’ She stroked his face and sighed but it was fondly and without heat. 

‘There’s no problem with you loving someone. But you cannot love a boy. At least, not in public. People don’t understand it and they are scared of what they don’t understand.’

Jack nodded understandingly. However, his mind didn’t understand. His though drifted back to his brief spell of bloodlust and fear clouded his eyes.

‘Grandma, what’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anybody love me?’ 

His Grandmother near sobbed and clutched him close again.

‘Oh my precious boy, nothing is wrong with you. Love is a completely normal emotion. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.’

Jack felt a smile bloom across his face and his grandmother wiped away the tears that he didn’t realise he’d shed.

‘Now, stop crying. We need to talk about this new school you are going to. You will be expected to sing and do you school work. But I will help you prepare. We’ll make you look very fine. And you’ll make lots of friends and learn lots of new things.’ 

Jack nodded for no other reason than he didn’t know what else to do. He slid off the bed and went to his room. He tried not to flinch as he remembered the last time he’d been here.

A few days passed with nothing happening. Then packages started to arrive.

With every new present, Jack gained another small item to add to his collection of essentials for school.

His father wore a permanently happy smile on his face whenever he saw Jack carrying a new object that he was dutifully piling up in his suitcase. It seemed that everyone had heard about Jack’s fate and when they came round, they all clapped him on the back and congratulated him on being incompetent enough to have been caught doing something that would end up with him being sent away.

Even his mother had started to take an interest in him. Every time she saw him, she marvelled at how smart he looked and once even told him that she was proud of him.

Only Jack’s grandmother knew the truth.

She helped him like she said she would but never casually discussed it outside of answering his questions on how long was left before his exile.

They both treated his going away as the oncoming apocalypse.

The day of his banishment dawned a wet, grey morning. 

With little joy to take out of the weather, Jack dressed himself before going down to breakfast.

His parents were laying in wait, wearing matching expressions of happiness and pride. His father announced that he would leave at mid morning with one of his friends who also had a son at that school. Jack merely nodded.

His mother clutched her hands together and declared that he would go on to make her proud. Jack didn’t feel like he cared if he made her proud or not.

Finally his Grandmother gave him one last hug and whispered into his hair that he must never tell anyone anything about himself. 

‘The world is cruel, you must be crueller.’ She smiled at his, fire in her eyes. Jack nodded and lit his own bonfire in his soul. She smiled and hugged him again before sending him off to his father. 

Jack waited all morning for the car that would spirit him away from his grandmother. Eventually, a huge black monster slithered up his drive and a short fat man got out.

He looked very distinguished and was dressed in fancy clothes. Jack recognised him from on of his father’ parties. His father went to greet him and the fat man came up to him get a good look at him.

As his trunk was loaded into the black beast, the fat man looked him over and nodded to Jack’s father.

‘Yes, he’s a fine boy Henry. He’ll do you proud like my Roger. Mind you, I hope he can hold his tongue. My Roger was taught that long ago. I can’t stand talkative children. They should be seen and not heard, that’s what I say.’

Jack’s father smiled with his eyes and laid a hand on Jack’s shoulder. He gripped it a bit too tight than necessary.

‘Yes Jack can be quiet when you tell him too can’t you lad?.’ He said through his teeth, fingers digging into Jacks shoulder. Jack smiled and nodded.

‘Yes sir,’

The fat man laughed and patted Jack on the shoulder. It felt more like he was hitting him.

‘And polite too. Obviously didn’t get that from you Henry eh?’

That fat man continued to laugh delighted with his joke. He didn’t notice how his father’s smile became forced. His hand became a vice on Jack’s shoulder. Jack inwardly scowled and decided that fat people were the worst kinds of humans.

‘Well, he’ll do very well at this school. My Roger’s in the choir. Are you going to be in the choir?’

Although the question was aimed at Jack, the fat man looked at his father and his father was the one who answers that yes he would be joining the choir.

The fat man laughed again even though there wasn’t anything funny to laugh about. He hailed the chauffeur and shoved Jack towards the car.

Jack opened one of the back doors and saw a small, dark boy already sat on the seat. The boy looked startled and then annoyed.

‘Your seat is there.’ He muttered, wildly gesturing at half the car.

Jack felt embarrassment crawl up in him but he shoved it down quickly. He schooled his face into one of cold disdain. His grandmother's words floated back to him.

'The world is cruel, you must be crueller.'

Jack nodded and stepped back. A small look of triumph passed over what must be Roger's face. Jack clamped his hands on Roger's neck and smiled with all of his teeth. The thoughts of feeling blood on his skin returned. Fear shone in Roger's eyes and his smaller hands scrabbled at Jack's on his throat. Jack leaned closer to Roger and whispered brightly

'I think you'll find that's your seat'

Jack released his neck and shoved him away. Roger scrambled to move, a mix of hatred and admiration appeared in his eyes. Jack sat himself down like a king would sit on a throne. 

'I'm Roger.' The dark boy said and Jack nodded without the teeth. 

'Is the fat man your father?' Jack asked in a demanding tone. Hatred appeared in Roger's eyes. 

'That man is not my father. He is a crook and a monster. He hurts my mother. He thinks I don't know but he hurts her and he hurts me too. I'm only going to this stupid school because he doesn't want me around. All the boy there are,' Roger hissed with venom. 'And you probably are too.' he added as an afterthought.

Jack smiled again but the teeth returned. Roger shrank back slightly but still kept his seething facial expression. They sneered at each other for a while before the sound of a passing car distracted them. They turned back to each other but it was now awkward.

'I'm Jack.' Jack said and Roger nodded, mimicking Jack's movements from earlier before their faces collapsed into small smiles.

'You're going to hate it at school, everyone does.' Roger warned but Jack gave a small scoff.

'But my parents won't be there, and that's what matters. I shall do as I like.' Roger looked at him with admiration.

'The teachers, they'll catch you and punish you.' Roger pressed but Jack simply scoffed again.

'Not if I'm the leader of the choir. Then, all the boys will listen to me, and if they don't...' Jack didn't finish his sentence, the implication clear. Roger smiled, a dark look entering his eyes.

'Then we'll feel their blood on our hands.'

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my work. This was my first fic and I hope you enjoyed it. Any and all constructive criticism will be welcomed but please don't just hate.


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